If you’re not familiar with “Am I The A–hole,” it’s a subreddit where people share difficult situations they’ve found themselves in and ask their fellow Redditors to determine if they are in the wrong or not.
This woman wanted to know if she was wrong for asking her stepdaughter to wake up 20 minutes earlier to make breakfast.
Since she was so burnt out, and her husband worked before the kids got up, she wanted some extra help. The mom has two step-kids from her husband’s previous marriage and four of her own — the youngest being only a month old. She writes that though she and her stepdaughter don’t have the closest relationship, “she’s really close to her younger siblings.” Regardless, she felt that she needed her stepdaughter’s help. During her previous pregnancies, her husband had a more flexible schedule to help out more. His new job requires him to be at work by six in the morning while the kids “mostly wake at 7-7:30.” Her youngest, Joshua, is a big crier, so she’s been tired lately, especially since she’s taken up the night shift since her husband needs to sleep well or he might have an accident at work. The mother explains, “[t]his has caused me to have big migraines because I sleep very little, and I wake up to screaming children running around.” Her stepdaughter, on the other hand, is self-sufficient. She usually opts not to eat breakfast since she doesn’t feel good throughout the day, so instead, she stays in her room to get ready.
She came to her stepdaughter to ask for help.
“Today I pulled her aside and asked her if she could wake up 20 minutes early, so she could help me make breakfast for the kids, and I’ll wake up by 8 to take them all to school.” She felt that this solution would allow her to get more sleep and feel better throughout the day, but her stepdaughter said no and explained that “her siblings are pretty energetic, and she doesn’t feel she can’t take care of them or get Louis to eat all of his food.” RELATED: Maid Of Honor Reveals True Feelings About Best Friend’s Husband In Spiteful Wedding Speech This also meant that along with all that, she had to make sure her other two siblings were ready for school, which included dressing them and making sure everything was in their bags. When the woman tried to explain that she hadn’t been feeling well, her stepdaughter shrugged her shoulders and said, “I said no, I’m not their mom. Ask dad to help you or get a babysitter. I also stay up until late doing homework, but I’m not asking you to make me breakfast every day or drive me to school.”
Her husband was not happy with her.
She texted her husband about what had happened and asked if the two of them could convince her to help out. Unfortunately, her husband told her she was wrong and that his daughter was right. He continued to say to her that she shouldn’t have asked her in the first place and to make sure she doesn’t do it again — he’ll spend his nights with Joshua because she should’ve asked him to begin with. Now she wonders if she’s the a**hole because she “only asked her to help and wake up 20 minutes early.” Considering she lives with them, she didn’t see the big deal.
With over 4,000 comments, almost all Redditors sided with the stepdaughter. The woman was voted ‘YTA.’
Many Redditors like quickly highlighted signs of parentification. “You are the parent. She is not.” Likewise, Redditors and agreed, pointing out her stepdaughter is a child she’s responsible for. She should have gone to her husband first if she was so overwhelmed. Other users also agreed that she needed to find other times to prioritize her sleep. RELATED: Man Wonders If He Is Wrong For Refusing To Adopt Child His Wife Conceived During Affair
Some Redditors decided on YTA but felt more sympathetic towards the woman.
Although user “farsighted451” agreed that OP was wrong, she also remembered feeling “ready to punch anyone who said ‘sleep when the baby sleeps.’” Other users felt that with the mother being sleep deprived, she probably didn’t realize what she asked was so absurd and is probably underestimating her husband’s ability to take care of their children.
Many Redditors were proud of the stepdaughter for dealing with so many significant changes, again condemning the mother for her absurd question.
Another user asked the OP to see things from her stepdaughter’s perspective—she’s enduring a lot of changes, so to ask her to take care of her siblings on top of everything is genuinely inconsiderate. Others were proud she stood up for herself. RELATED: Man Wonders If He’s Wrong For Banning Kids From Visits With Grandmother Who Fat-Shamed Daughter Ashley Darkwa-Anto is a writer at YourTango who covers News & Entertainment.
