There are several ways in which one shows and appreciates love. They are called the 5 love languages. Love languages are how we communicate love to one another on a deeper level of understanding. However, your love language may actually come with a toxic trait. According to TikTok, every love language contains a toxic trait within it. This makes perfect sense, according to dating coach and TikToker Liv Talley, who says, “Your love languages are actually your internal system telling you what you’re not giving to yourself.” RELATED: 5 Low-Key Toxic Habits That Keep Us Stuck In Unhealthy Relationships
As it turns out, your toxic trait actually tends to be the opposite of your love language.
So, what toxic trait is associated with each love language and why?
If the love language is quality time
The toxic trait is self-isolation If your love language is quality time, this probably means that you don’t like to be alone with yourself or with your thoughts, but you do so anyway. You self-isolate because you have no idea how to connect with others as a result of being unable to connect with yourself. You refuse to give this need to yourself, so you look for it from others using your love language. If you are single and can’t find companionship, you give up and isolate yourself. So, your love language would be quality time because you crave it in your life.
If the love language is gift giving / gift receiving
The toxic trait is impulsive shopping, materialism Those with a love language of gift giving or gift receiving have the toxic trait of impulsive shopping or are materialistic. You feel loved when you’re given something. This can make you materialistic and put your focus on the objects themselves, instead of the thought. This can also spur impulse shopping because when you receive gifts you feel better, thus you may buy yourself gifts to create that feeling or to “buy” companionship, no matter the cost.
If your love language is acts of service
The toxic trait is procrastination, not asking for help The acts of service love language has the toxic traits of procrastination or not asking for help. Since you crave people helping you do things, it can lead you to wait until the last minute to complete a task. But it can also mean that you hate asking for help or refuse to do so. You may even constantly stress over the things on your to-do list, but never ask directly for help, believing that if your partner loves you they would do it without you asking. You may even be scared to ask for help. If your partner says no, you feel unloved in the relationship, but don’t ask for the help you need to avoid causing issues. You also may not even accept help when it is given to you! RELATED: ‘Bad’ Personality Traits Explained — And 12 That Are Actually ‘Good’
If the love language is words of affirmation
The toxic trait is lying If your love language is words of affirmation, you may have a tendency to lie, even if you don’t mean to. You care how your words make others feel, rather than the truth behind them. You tell people what they wish to hear rather than what your actual thoughts are or what you believe they need to hear from you. You put more importance on the positivity of words, not paying attention to whether or not they are true, which can lead to habitual lying or just lying because you can. One sad part of this love language is that you also rely on others to validate your since you never do so for yourself.
If the love language is physical touch
The toxic trait is avoidance The physical touch love language is one of the most popular love languages out there, but it has a horrible toxic trait attached to it: avoidance. If this is your love language, you tend to never want to talk about your feelings; rather, you use touch as a way to change the topic or ignore the question. You don’t feel comfortable diving deep into your emotions, yet you are touch-starved.
Now, TikTokers are posting videos explaining the toxic traits that correlate with their love languages.
There are tons of videos from all different accounts, from physical touch to gift giving, to self-isolation and not asking for help. The TikTokers usually show their face or are dancing in the background, almost like they are making fun of themselves. The videos are also accompanied by text, usually reading something like, “When your toxic trait is lying but your love language is words of affirmation.” While the videos are supposed to be fun and encourage self-awareness, there is a sort of sadness attached to each. Because while knowing and utilizing your love language can create a long-lasting, strong relationship, those toxic traits may also cause the demise of that same relationship. RELATED: 20 Signs You’re An Extremely Toxic Person & Are Difficult To Be Around Deauna Nunes is an associate editor for YourTango who covers pop culture, lifestyle, astrology, and relationship topics. She’s had bylines in Emerson College’s literary magazine, Generic and MSN.
