Sometimes, two people will verbally agree that their relationship is only friends with benefits. But there are more women who say they are okay with being friends with benefits than women who actually are okay with being friends with benefits. Because the trouble starts when someone begins to catch feelings. RELATED: 11 Rules For Keeping A Friends With Benefits Situation Casual (And Avoid Getting Hurt) Usually, the woman is lying to herself or to the man while secretly hoping that the relationship will become more serious. Other times, it’s less clear and a woman wonders if the man sees her as a girlfriend or as a friend with benefits. If what a man says and what he does don’t match, pay more attention to what he does. Men are creatures of action, and actions speak louder than words. What are the signs you’re only friends with benefits, and he doesn’t see a relationship in the future with you?
7 Signs He Only Wants To Be Friends With Benefits
1. He’s MIA on holidays.
On Valentine’s Day, your birthday and Christmas, he’s someplace else. If thinks you’re relationship material, he will acknowledge those days and make an effort to do something special. If he has other plans or doesn’t remember to acknowledge the special days, you’re definitely not considered girlfriend material to him.
2. There are no check-in calls.
He seldom calls to see how you are or just to check in. There are few texts just to say “have a good day” or “goodnight.” If you don’t feel well, he’s not interested in getting together to provide comfort, and he rarely remembers to check back in to see if you’re feeling better… unless it’s to arrange to hook up. RELATED: The Truth About Whether Your FWB Can Turn Into A Real Relationship
3. You only get together to hook up.
If he’s looking at you as relationship material, he wants to be seen in public with you. He wants you to meet his friends and family, and go to work parties with you. If you’re just friends with benefits, he doesn’t want to involve you with other important people in his life. The main event is having sex, not getting to know each other and being a part of each other’s life. If he’s looking at you as relationship material, he will want to do other things with you besides being in bed. He will want to join in activities you enjoy and share his hobbies with you. If you have a project to do and he wants a relationship, he will offer to help. He will want to make your life easier and participate so he can spend time with you.
4. You spend no time together in the daylight.
If time together is unlikely to lead to sex, he’s not interested in getting together. When you do have sex, it’s likely that he will leave before morning or want you to go if you’re at his place. He will not leave you at his place when he has to go to work. You’ll be leaving when he leaves, or before.
5. There’s no agreement to be exclusive.
If you have not had a specific talk about being exclusive, don’t assume the relationship is exclusive! Even if you have had the talk, do his actions match his words? If not, refer to his actions — they speak louder than words. RELATED: 13 Signs The Guy You’re ‘Just Sleeping With’ Likes You
6. He’s not ready for a relationship.
If he indicates that he’s not in a place to have a serious relationship for any reason, take him at his word. This is the one instance in which words matter more than actions. Don’t read into his actions that he really wants a relationship with you when he has said he doesn’t. There are many reasons a man may not be ready to have a relationship. Two common reasons are:
- He doesn’t want to be tied down geographically. Maybe he’s anticipating a job change or planning to go to graduate school and he wants to maintain the flexibility to move for his career.
- It may be that he has just gotten out of a serious relationship and needs a break.
7. He shows minimal effort.
If the man is putting in minimal effort, he thinks about you as only a friend with benefits. Minimal effort looks different in different situations. It may be that you’re doing the bulk of initiating contact. It may be that he only calls you at the end of a night out with the guys. If you’re honest with yourself, you feel it. You know you’re towards the bottom of his priority list. If he sees you as someone to have a relationship with, he will put in the effort to spend time with you and do things you enjoy. He will notice what pleases you and do little things like give you a card or flowers occasionally. The bottom line is that you teach people how to treat you. If you don’t want to only be a friend with benefits, stop participating in the arrangement. Often, the same man will treat different women completely differently. Each woman is treated the way that she feels worthy of being treated. Decide what you want in a relationship and stop settling for less than you want. It’s great to have friends (and benefits), but if you seek a loving relationship and a strong bond with a partner, keep looking. RELATED: 7 Signs It’s Time To Break Up With Your ‘Friend With Benefits’ Tamara Mason, MSW, LICSW has over 30 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach. She’s the founder of Empowered Single Moms and author of ‘Thriving: A Single Mom’s Guide to a Happy, Positive Life.’
