Regardless of whether your relationship lasted months or years, breakups are tough. There are healthy and unhealthy relationships, and there are also healthy and unhealthy ways to let go of someone you once loved. Learning how to break up is just as important as learning how to fall in love. After you’ve gone through a breakup, you need to focus on alleviating your pain and finding joy. That’s the only way to survive a breakup if you are still in love. The five stages of breaking up are similar to the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. RELATED: How Long It Takes To Get Over A Breakup (And What Can Speed Things Up)
Here is how to bounce back after a breakup in 10 easy steps.
1. Let yourself feel whatever you need to.
After a breakup, it’s common for people to ignore their feelings or tell themselves that they’re okay when they’re not. Instead of shutting off your emotions, give yourself time to feel them. Let the tears flow, express your anger, and listen to all those sad songs. Only once you have properly processed your emotions will you be able to move on, so it’s important to give yourself the solace and attention you need right now.
2. Don’t keep reminders of the ex around.
One of the most important and sometimes hardest things to do after a breakup is to get rid of the things that remind you of your ex. Whether it’s pictures, love letters, gifts, or keepsakes, it’s important to remove anything that will make you think of the relationship. Since throwing out these sentimental items can be tough, a good idea is to gather them up and stash them in a box and keep it hidden until you’re finally feeling over the relationship. Years down the road you’ll have these memories to look back on, or, if you do get back with your ex, you can pick up right where you left off.
3. Write your feelings down.
Instead of bottling up your emotions, grab a piece of paper and pen and write them out. Getting your feelings out is a healthy way to get through your breakup, and it also serves as a tool for seeing where things went wrong. As tempting as you may be to write this out online or in a message to your ex, don’t. Accidentally sending this to your ex in a moment of weakness is not going to do you any favors. You don’t want to make them think that you’re lost without them. Write out your feelings for yourself, no one else.
4. Spend time with people that make you happy.
It’s easy to get glued to the couch with a tub of ice cream and Netflix subscription. However, to survive your breakup and cut down on your recovery time, it’s important to keep busy. Instead of hiding behind closed doors, get out there and spend time with family and friends. Having a shoulder to lean on is important, and what better way to mend a broken heart than by surrounding yourself with loved ones?
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5. Spend some time outside.
Enjoy the sunshine and combat your broken heart with a dose of vitamin D. Even if you’re flying solo, pick up a book, grab your headphones and get some fresh air. Staying busy is the most effective way to get your mind off your breakup, and it’s been proven that the more you stay inside, the worse you’ll feel.
6. Find a new hobby to occupy you.
Whether you’ve been meaning to tackle that remodeling project or sign up for cooking classes, the post-breakup period is a great time to pick up a new hobby. Keeping yourself busy will not only give your mind a break from thinking about your past relationship, but it’s also a great way to get out there and meet new people.
7. Don’t forget to catch much-needed ZZZs.
There’s nothing more replenishing to your body than quality sleep. If you are having trouble going to sleep because your mind is in overdrive, consider picking up some nice sleepy-time tea, or taking a nice relaxing pre-bed bath. Once you find a way to calm your mind you’ll be snoring away in no time. Clarity and a fresh mind are helpful tools for keeping positive and moving forward.
8. Get your blood pumping.
If you’re looking to clear your head and get rid of the repetitive thoughts then the best thing you can do is to sweat them out. Whether you pick up running, yoga, or hitting the gym, working out and getting your heart rate up will increase your endorphins, which will have you feeling excited and satisfied in no time! Since exercise is good for your body, mind and soul, when you get moving you’ll not only feel better physically but also mentally. Instead of laying around thinking about your ex, focus on using your body to help you get through your breakup. Besides, who knows who you’ll meet when you put yourself out there?
9. Don’t blame yourself for things that went wrong.
After a breakup, it’s normal to reflect on the relationship and to try and pinpoint where things went wrong. Focus on the details of the relationship that actually caused the breakup. It takes two to break up—the problem wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple. When you try to look at the relationship from the outside, you’ll have an easier time seeing how you both contributed to the breakup. When you were dating you may have thought it was all sunshine and lollipops, but when you look back, try and see the red flags you missed—these will help you with future relationships.
10. Start dating again when you’re ready.
So many people tell themselves that “It’s too soon” or believe that they’re “too heartbroken” to put themselves out there again. Those are just excuses, and believing them is dangerous because it leaves you more time to pity yourself. Instead of wasting time mourning, carry on with your life and get through the breakup by seeing new people. Getting out, doing things, and having fun is the best recipe for healing a broken heart. Not only will it keep your mind busy with other things, but it will also show you that life does go on. Even if these dates don’t lead to anything serious, they will help you to stop focusing on your ex. RELATED: 9 Signs You’re Ready To Start Dating Again After A Breakup Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada. He has 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.
