They ask me if it is really possible and my answer is: “Yes, but you are going to have to work hard at it.” I call it intentional parenting and it takes discipline to pull it off. You need to have clarity and consistent follow-through in order to be successful, parents.
So, here is my list of how to raise unspoiled kids:
1. Say no regularly.
Practice delayed gratification and simply not always giving your children what they want, even if you can easily afford it. RELATED: Why So-So Grades Are OK (If Your Kid Has These 6 Traits Instead)
2. Expect gratitude.
Go beyond teaching your child to say please and thank you. Also teach them eye contact, a proper handshake, affection, and appreciation for the kind and generous things that are said and given to them. If this does not happen, have them return the gift (either to the person or to you for safe keeping) and explain that they aren’t yet ready to receive such a gift.
3. Practice altruism yourself.
Donate clothes and toys to those in need (not just to your neighbors when it’s easy and they have younger children!) and have your kids be a part of that process. Do this regularly as a family and sort through, package and deliver the goods together so the kids really see where their things are going. Do this often and not just around the holidays.
4. Be mindful of the company you keep.
If you only hang around other affluent families who are not raising their kids with intention, you may be surrounding yourself with those who will not help out with what you are trying to accomplish. Be sure family or friends you are spending significant time with have similar values to yours; otherwise, you are going to feel defeated after a while.
5. Write thank you cards.
Yes, handwritten on paper with a pen! RELATED: Um, Oops: I Accidentally Raised Spoiled Children
6. Don’t catch every fall.
Practice natural consequences from an early age — share some of your own experiences and teach them lessons such as “life is not fair.” In addition, don’t over-protect them from disappointments. You have to really understand and believe that failing and falling are a part of successful childhood development.
7. Resist the urge to buy multiple things.
Just because you can doesn’t mean that you should! Don’t buy four American Girl Dolls — buy just one and have your child love and appreciate what they have. That’s one of the keys to how to raise unspoiled kids.
8. Talk to their grandparents and explain your intentions to them.
Share with them your desires to have respectful, appreciative, kind, and responsible children and the ways in which you are going to achieve that goal. You will need their help in doing this if they are like most grandparents who want to spoil their grandkids! Ask them to spoil them with love, time, affection, and attention — not toys treats, and money. RELATED: Parents Of The Healthiest & Happiest Kids Do These 6 Things Every Day
9. Teach them the value of money.
Have your child manage their money through saving, giving to charity/others, and then spending. If you do this from an early age you are truly setting a foundation of responsible wealth management, and this is part of raising spoiled children.
10. Share your story.
Last but not least, you should tell your kids about the legacy of your family’s fortune. When I say wealth or fortune, that is all relative. If you come from significant wealth tell the story of how that was earned and created. If you are self-made, tell that story too — just don’t forget that “giving your kids everything that you didn’t have” is not always a good thing. There is probably a lot that you learned along the way by stumbling to make you the person you are today. And at the end of the day, if you have a spoiled child — one who relentlessly nags, cries and throws a huge fit when they do not get what they want — you only have yourself to blame! Stop giving in and start applying most if not all of these values and approaches. You will have greater enjoyment in being a parent, your child will be happier and better adjusted and there will be greater peace and love in your home. And that is something money cannot buy. RELATED: 10 Parenting Mistakes You’re Probably Making (And How To Fix Them!) Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a mother, psychologist, speaker, and author of Mommy Burnout. You can follow her parenting advice in her newsletter by signing up today.
